


The vampire´s not-to-do list

by Princeofnothing



Category: Vampire Chronicles - All Media Types, Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Chaos, Developing Relationship, Enemies, Established Relationship, Friendship, Funny, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sexual Humor, Translation, Vampires, best enemies, i love these idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21994588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princeofnothing/pseuds/Princeofnothing
Summary: The vampires meet once more for a gathering at the Night Island. Marius and Louis hope to avoid bitchfighting between the "best enemies" Lestat and Armand by creating them not-to-do lists, but knowing ruels and following them are two differnt things...
Relationships: Armand/Daniel Molloy, Armand/Lestat de Lioncourt, Lestat de Lioncourt/Louis de Pointe du Lac
Kudos: 27





	1. Armand´s not-to-do list

**Author's Note:**

> Hi:)  
> I usually write in German, but a friend of mine asked me to translate my works, so her we go! I´m sorry for my bad englisch, it´s not my first language.  
> I hope you´re nevertheless able to enjoy the not-to-do lists, please leave me some comments<3

The vampires will meet once more at a gathering one the night island. Of course Louis, Lestat and Armand are also going to be there. But due to Lestat and Armand being unable to stay in the same room for more than three seconds without starting world war three, Marius created a not-to-do list for his fledgeling, to prevent collateral damage.

1.I won´t greet Lestat with “Hello LeSlut” or “Hey, Bitch Prince”. (Huh? I thought, that´s his official title?!)

2.I won´t ask Lestat if him being a “prince” makes Louis a princess. ( Louis is always going to be a princess in my eyes<3)

3.I won´t ask Lestat if he´s related to Jamie Lannister or king Oedipus, or how Gabrielle is doing lately.

4.I won´t suggest Lestat to increase his fire insurance by a few million dollars, since Louis moved in again. (What?! That´s a valid warning!)

5.I won´t offer Louis to sleep in my coffin in case Lestat is snoring.

6.I won´t ask Lestat and Louis to watch Twilight with me. (Oh seriously Master?! Not even Lestat deserves that amount of psychological cruelty!)

7.I won´t ask Lestat to join me on the rooftop, just to ask him there to take a step closer to the edge of the roof. (Pff! As if I would make that mistake twice! The building doesn´t even have ten levels! LeSlut would be back on his feet in less than ten minutes if I pushed him!)

8.I won´t make Louis immoral offers including lingerie and handcuffs. (What a pity!)

9.I won´t leave a companion about difficult educable children on the table just to tell Louis and Lestat “ it might work next time!” (Oh, don´t look at me like that Master! I already admitted that the thing with Claudia was not my best decision!)

10\. I won´t ask Lestat if he ever considered playing the protagonist in the next Barbie movie. (Hey, the hair fits already! And the bitchy behaviour too! Huh? Master, why are you looking at me when I am talking about bitchy behaviour?! Hey, wait! No reason to leave with a shake of your head!)


	2. Lestat´s not-to-do list

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi:D  
> The two lists belong to a longer story, I will start to post tomorrow:)  
> I hope you like it and my English is not too bad:)

Not only Marius is concerned about the upcoming gathering on the Night Island. Louis too, created a not-to-do list for his lover, to make sure there will be no accidents with rooftops, lighters or nuclear weapons.

1.I won´t give Armand a pair of plateau high heels as a present, just to tell him “I want to talke to you on eye level for once. (What?! He is just as tall as a hobbit!)

2.I won´t flirt with everyone and everything one the island. (But Louis mon cher! What are you implying?! You know well that I have high standards, two arms and two legs for example!)

3.I won´t provoke a fight for no reason, like last time. (EXCUSE ME?! Armand was breathing in my direction!)

4.I won´t ask Armand if, due to the fact that neither vampires nor redheads have a soul, he sold his soul twice. (Oh please, that would require the assumption that he once had a soul!)

5.I won´t call Armand Botticelli- Bitch. (Oh, I will!)

6.I won´t ask Marius to ground Armand, just because he looked innocently in Louis direction. (Innocently?! Nothing he does is innocently, at least not if it´s concerning you!)

7.I won´t provoke drama when I´m jealous of Armand. (Me PROVOKING DRAMA?! Me BEING YEALOUS OF A REDHEAD?! Not in this live! Hm? Yes, I´m aware that I´m dead!)

8.I won´t ask Armand if he lives a double life as Sansa Stark. (Oh come on, beautiful, redhead, tragic past, insane… it´s obvious!)

9.I won´t pour a bottle of water over Armands head just to tell him “it´s necessary to water you, maybe you will grow a bit!” 

10.I won´t ask Armand, whenever I see a youth in a renaissance painting if that´s him, and if yes, what he did do to get painted that often. (I can imagine anyway, heheh!)

11.I won´t tell everyone one the Night Island from Marius to the potted plants that I´ve been a rock star. (Hey, I just mentioned it three times today!)

12.I won´t ask Armand if he even recognized any difference between the monastery and the brothel when he was a child. (Louis, stop hitting that Edgar Allan Poe book against your head! That must hurt!)

13.I won´t charge Armand to a duel concerning the question who of us is the greater slut. (That´s my title! Mine alone!)

14.I won´t tell Armand that he and Daniel somehow remind me of this two freaks from Twilight, but with less sparkling and more Darkroom. (I´m just not sure who´s the girl in the relationship. Maybe both?)

15.I won´t point out to Armand that my fangs are bigger than his anyway. (Louis, why are you hiding behind the book?! YOU, at least, should know!)


End file.
